Today, Sheriffs declared they finally caught the guy who infuses his Halloween candy. He had alluded the cops for years, but today they finally found him. He goes by the name Foney Spekulation and is now a failed aspiring drug dealer.
You might think that cops found Foney by investigating the home he used to distribute his infused Halloween candy. But they didn’t find him in the way you would expect. Foney was declaring Chapter 7 bankruptcy. When he explained to the bankruptcy clerk why he was bankrupt, the clerk called the cops. Apparently, the clerk came across one of Foney’s edibles the night before and had to take a trip to the hospital. The bankruptcy clerk thought he was going to die but the doctor only prescribed an Arizona iced tea and a bag of Funyuns and told him to go to bed.
Foney had this to say about the arrest:
“I thought I was untouchable. I thought the cops would never find me! I have been doing this for 5 years out of the same house that I live in and it seemed like the cops didn’t even care to catch me. The news even warns people about me doing this every year.”
Turns out Foney had to declare bankruptcy because of his infused Halloween candy!
“I didn’t realize how much money I was wasting!!!! I heard about doing this from the media years back and just kind of assumed it was what drug dealers do. Apparently, drug dealers sell drugs to make a profit instead of giving them away. It is a lot of money to infuse Halloween candy, and I’ve been doing it for 5 years straight. I had no choice but to declare chapter 7.”
This is obviously a funny and satirical post trying to demonstrate how ridiculous it is to assume people are going to infuse Halloween candy. The purpose of this article is to display just how ridiculous that is.
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